she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
