My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize