apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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