im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wish I only lived at night.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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