trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
