I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I don't think brook has ever known best
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
