You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
