I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
