I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Say something about gay babies.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
