hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Pants 0. Shit 1.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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