Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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