she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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