Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I wish there were birth control emojis
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
