Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
ttyl tear gas
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
