Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
