Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
