i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My penis needs a shock collar
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
