he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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