I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
