perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
