Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
