every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
