Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize