She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Randomize
