So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
