apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
