just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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