I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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