Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
