i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
