Cold hands, warm shart.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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