I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
