I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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