What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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