The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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