i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
