Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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