i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I currently don't understand fingers.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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