that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
