so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
