She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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