well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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