I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
