There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
