im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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