U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize