I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I don't want my vagina anymore.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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