Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize