almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Did I show you my penis last night?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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