how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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