Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
