lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
