We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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