Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
time to smoke my breakfast
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Congratulations! We have a period
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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