Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
