Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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