That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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