My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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