So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
