haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
