Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
