the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
