the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Congratulations! We have a period
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