I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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