Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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