I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
