it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
