The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
