Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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