she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
