Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize